People Come Into Your Life for a Reason...

So today, Paul left for a TDY.  A short one, but I always feel lonely when he is gone.  So I try to bide my time in doing other things and staying busy.  At work (The Fisher House), I have met some pretty amazing people!  I am a social person and I enjoy talking to everyone.  At the Fisher House we see all sorts of people, wounded soldiers, retirees, other country's soldiers, family members, etc.  Well, I always like talking to the older people.  I have always been drawn to the elderly and helping them.  Maybe it's because I see that they don't have a ton of time left and I feel like if I can make them smile or help them- I am making their day just a little bit brighter?  Or maybe it is because I feel like (with the American culture), the elderly are thought of and treated like 2nd class citizens; people tend to just look past them or think of them as old and senile.  When in fact they have a multitude of understanding, experience and such interesting stories...

There is one couple in particular who I have bonded with at work.  They are James and Helga.  She is German, he is American and they reside in Germany.   They have children, but no grandchildren.  They always wanted grandkids, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.

Needless to say, I have taken my kids into work many times (thanks to my awesome bosses!!!) and on a couple of occasions, James and Helga met Madison and Emily.  It was like a mutual, immediate relationship.  The girls took to them and they took to the girls.  They come up for medical reasons once a month for a day or so and the last couple times I have been able to take the girls in after school and work.  Helga sits for a couple hours and teaches Madison new crocheting techniques, German and songs, James sits with Emily and teaches her some German words and songs and then I usually work with reading.  It is really amazing to watch.

I have really grown fond of James and Helga.  On some levels I am jealous of everything they experience together.  I find myself wishing I had more time with my grandmother before she passed.  I think about how I wish the girls' were able to sit with their/our grandparents for hours and just soak in new things, crafts, stories and just spend time with them!  But being in Germany right now, we can't.

Anyways, today I was able to take the girls to work and James and Helga were there.  They spent 3.5 hours with the kids and taught them some amazing stuff.  Madison learned how to make a yard chord (it is actually really cool! Some is in the girls' hair in the pics below.) and learned more crocheting stuff!  And both girls learned a new song and learned how to say Christmas Tree in German.  It is pretty amazing, and I am so grateful to have met them.    I look forward to everyone of their visits!!!

I am not sure what the reason was they came into our life or us into theirs...  Maybe we are able to give each other something, like a sense of "family" or idk...  Something I am sure...  One day, the reason will show itself...  :)

Here is a pic from tonight!

Bittersweet Thanksgiving 2012

Well, last night I had a hard time going to sleep. It seems like our dream of having a baby was shattered with the news of the ectopic and the insane 5 weeks that followed.  It will happen one day, I know, but the memories of all of it still haunt me like it was yesterday.

But today is a day to be thankful.  And I am thankful for so many things.  Most of all, I am thankful for my family.  My daughters and my husband are the most amazing one could ever ask for.

Without Paul, I would probably be bouncing from one spaztastic idea to another (due to my anxiety).  But he keeps me grounded, he understands me, he loves me for me- all of me- unconditionally!   And that is one of the most amazing feelings to ever feel- true happiness and be completely in love.  He is my sanctuary, my calm and my rock.

My kids- I love dearly.  Though they drive me up a wall sometimes, I love being a mom.  Watching them grow, seeing them accomplish new things and learn new things is always so awesome.  I am so very proud to have two gorgeous and intelligent daughters!  Their little hugs and kisses and funny, quirkiness can always make me smile.  They are getting so big, I can't believe it!

I am also thankful for my family back home- both Paul's and mine.  Without mine, well, I definitely wouldn't be where I am today.  They are the reason I am who I am and I am where I am!

And Paul's family- for accepting me and the girls and bringing us into their family as their own.  From day 1- I felt accepted and loved.

And lastly, I am thankful for my friends.  To all my friends here in Germany- without you all, life in Germany would suck!  You guys have been so fun and amazing- I love our hang outs, lunch dates and shopping dates!  Germany is definitely better with you guys!
And my bestie back home in the states...  Jen and Sam.  Man, where to even begin?!  You guys are my best friend for a reason.  Through thick and thin, good and bad, we have stuck it out.  Jen- you are the bestest friend- bestest buffalo- a girl could ask for!  You are amazing!  We can talk about ANY and EVERYTHING and I know I can tell you anything and I don't have to fear being judged or talked about... You guys are brutally honest- even if I don't want to hear it, you guys are always there for me if I ever needed anything, you guys and I just have this bond- this connection that is unreal.  It is hard to put into words how much I appreciate and love you guys!  Being best friends with you both is beyond any friendship I could have ever imagined.  You guys are my true friends and I love you both and the kiddos!

There are many more things I am thankful for- like the opportunity to be in Germany and travel, the ability to go to school and finish, our lifestyle and not worrying about things, our new explorer we get in 3 weeks or so :), our jobs, etc.  And still so much more...  But the above are the things I am extremely grateful for because without them, the rest wouldn't mean as much!  Family and friends make life worth everything!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!  And maybe in the next year- next Thanksgiving- we will have a little one to celebrate with?!

Katie :)

So many things on my mind these days...

So. I don't even know where to begin.  I guess I will start with what's most recent and work from there...

Things that have been on my mind lately.  How come people always focus on the negative instead of focusing on the positive?  I do my best no to judge, not to look at people wrong and to make the most of every person I meet.  I do not judge people based on their cover or their facebook statuses, I try to use my best judgement (or in some cases) the best judgement of my closest and only closest friends (that I trust) and sometimes my hubby's when I am not being stubborn.

So how come people can't think more like this?  How come people see something and think, oh she's on FB all day every day, or oh, she's only a stay at home mom, or oh she doesn't do much- her husband is the one in the  military...

Well to all of you who think that.  Let me set you straight on ME.  I am me.  I am a mom, I might get on Facebook often (maybe more than I should), but here are a few things you may not know about me.

I am a military veteran.  I served 11 years for my country before being medically retired.

I have been a great mom for the last almost 10 years.  I may have grown up with not the best circumstances but I am determined to raise my kids differently and to show them they can be whatever they want to be.

I am a full time student, I have a 3.8 GPA and will graduate with my degree next year b/c I am determined to set a good example about education for my kids.

I volunteer on most all my days off including weekends. I volunteered so much with one organization, I got a part time job.  Do we need the money, no, I do it b/c I LOVE helping others.  I do it to show my kids that helping others is the best thing you can do to give back to your community.  I took a part time so I can also be available for my kids before and after school.  I have volunteered at homeless shelters, domestic abuse shelters, animal shelters, schools, taking and giving donations to those who need them, volunteering at events for charities and giving almost my last dollar in many cases to help those who need it more then me.  I have tried to give a lot of my life back to doing and help those who need it b/c without help when I was younger (foster home, my aunt/grandma, and the military) I would probably be dead.

We keep our kids involved in extracurricular activities like cheerleading- which has taken up 6 days a week when in session or Theater.

I keep my house pretty much spotless, I don't sit around and do nothing.

I am involved with my kids and their school so much more than most.

Between my husband and I we make good, healthy home cooked meals every night and make it a point to sit with our family and talk about the day.

So for those of you who "know" me and think I am some lazy ass who sits on FB every day and eats bon bons while not being involved with more things, you can shove it.  This may not seem like "a lot" so some of you, but then take a look at what you do and what's on your plate.  Don't throw stones at other people when you don't know anything about them.  And like my aunt always said, if you don't have anything nice to say- keep your damn mouth shut.

Next on my plate is this.  This month has been hard already.  November 3rd was one year ago I found out I was pregnant.  Only to find out on Thanksgiving Day it was ectopic and we had to go thru a long 5 week process of terminating it.  I usually say it was a miscarriage b/c it is easier than explaining everything.  But either way, we lost a child that was very wanted and very loved even in it's short 7 weeks.  It is still hard.  And though days pass and things seem normal on the surface, it still hurts and will always hurt during November.  Maybe this has attributed to my not-so-happy self recently, I honestly don't know.  All I do know is it has been on my mind every day, every single day...  for the last year.  Especially these last couple weeks.

People tell me (especially my husband) I need to take time out for me.  I need to slow down.  I need to relax.  I just don't know how.  I really don't.  And by relax I mean more than a day off in PJs or a one hour massage.  I need to mentally do all this.  But I don't know how.  I would if I could.  I would love to not have a racing brain that constantly has thoughts going in and out.  But I don't.  I can't control my brain.  I have tried to shape it and train it and it may work for a while, but then something happens and triggers it and it all just goes  back to the way it was.  It irritates me that I can't be calm.  That I look at other people and they are so just chillaxed and nonchalant and casual and easy going.  I am easy going in the sense that I am friendly and I make friends and can be down to earth, but not in the sense that I am Cheech and Chong relaxed like others.  I don't know how to fix my brain and slow it down. :( Maybe Cheech and Chong have the right idea?! LOL.  Who knows.

Thanks for reading...

Katie