People Come Into Your Life for a Reason...

So today, Paul left for a TDY.  A short one, but I always feel lonely when he is gone.  So I try to bide my time in doing other things and staying busy.  At work (The Fisher House), I have met some pretty amazing people!  I am a social person and I enjoy talking to everyone.  At the Fisher House we see all sorts of people, wounded soldiers, retirees, other country's soldiers, family members, etc.  Well, I always like talking to the older people.  I have always been drawn to the elderly and helping them.  Maybe it's because I see that they don't have a ton of time left and I feel like if I can make them smile or help them- I am making their day just a little bit brighter?  Or maybe it is because I feel like (with the American culture), the elderly are thought of and treated like 2nd class citizens; people tend to just look past them or think of them as old and senile.  When in fact they have a multitude of understanding, experience and such interesting stories...

There is one couple in particular who I have bonded with at work.  They are James and Helga.  She is German, he is American and they reside in Germany.   They have children, but no grandchildren.  They always wanted grandkids, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.

Needless to say, I have taken my kids into work many times (thanks to my awesome bosses!!!) and on a couple of occasions, James and Helga met Madison and Emily.  It was like a mutual, immediate relationship.  The girls took to them and they took to the girls.  They come up for medical reasons once a month for a day or so and the last couple times I have been able to take the girls in after school and work.  Helga sits for a couple hours and teaches Madison new crocheting techniques, German and songs, James sits with Emily and teaches her some German words and songs and then I usually work with reading.  It is really amazing to watch.

I have really grown fond of James and Helga.  On some levels I am jealous of everything they experience together.  I find myself wishing I had more time with my grandmother before she passed.  I think about how I wish the girls' were able to sit with their/our grandparents for hours and just soak in new things, crafts, stories and just spend time with them!  But being in Germany right now, we can't.

Anyways, today I was able to take the girls to work and James and Helga were there.  They spent 3.5 hours with the kids and taught them some amazing stuff.  Madison learned how to make a yard chord (it is actually really cool! Some is in the girls' hair in the pics below.) and learned more crocheting stuff!  And both girls learned a new song and learned how to say Christmas Tree in German.  It is pretty amazing, and I am so grateful to have met them.    I look forward to everyone of their visits!!!

I am not sure what the reason was they came into our life or us into theirs...  Maybe we are able to give each other something, like a sense of "family" or idk...  Something I am sure...  One day, the reason will show itself...  :)

Here is a pic from tonight!

Bittersweet Thanksgiving 2012

Well, last night I had a hard time going to sleep. It seems like our dream of having a baby was shattered with the news of the ectopic and the insane 5 weeks that followed.  It will happen one day, I know, but the memories of all of it still haunt me like it was yesterday.

But today is a day to be thankful.  And I am thankful for so many things.  Most of all, I am thankful for my family.  My daughters and my husband are the most amazing one could ever ask for.

Without Paul, I would probably be bouncing from one spaztastic idea to another (due to my anxiety).  But he keeps me grounded, he understands me, he loves me for me- all of me- unconditionally!   And that is one of the most amazing feelings to ever feel- true happiness and be completely in love.  He is my sanctuary, my calm and my rock.

My kids- I love dearly.  Though they drive me up a wall sometimes, I love being a mom.  Watching them grow, seeing them accomplish new things and learn new things is always so awesome.  I am so very proud to have two gorgeous and intelligent daughters!  Their little hugs and kisses and funny, quirkiness can always make me smile.  They are getting so big, I can't believe it!

I am also thankful for my family back home- both Paul's and mine.  Without mine, well, I definitely wouldn't be where I am today.  They are the reason I am who I am and I am where I am!

And Paul's family- for accepting me and the girls and bringing us into their family as their own.  From day 1- I felt accepted and loved.

And lastly, I am thankful for my friends.  To all my friends here in Germany- without you all, life in Germany would suck!  You guys have been so fun and amazing- I love our hang outs, lunch dates and shopping dates!  Germany is definitely better with you guys!
And my bestie back home in the states...  Jen and Sam.  Man, where to even begin?!  You guys are my best friend for a reason.  Through thick and thin, good and bad, we have stuck it out.  Jen- you are the bestest friend- bestest buffalo- a girl could ask for!  You are amazing!  We can talk about ANY and EVERYTHING and I know I can tell you anything and I don't have to fear being judged or talked about... You guys are brutally honest- even if I don't want to hear it, you guys are always there for me if I ever needed anything, you guys and I just have this bond- this connection that is unreal.  It is hard to put into words how much I appreciate and love you guys!  Being best friends with you both is beyond any friendship I could have ever imagined.  You guys are my true friends and I love you both and the kiddos!

There are many more things I am thankful for- like the opportunity to be in Germany and travel, the ability to go to school and finish, our lifestyle and not worrying about things, our new explorer we get in 3 weeks or so :), our jobs, etc.  And still so much more...  But the above are the things I am extremely grateful for because without them, the rest wouldn't mean as much!  Family and friends make life worth everything!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!  And maybe in the next year- next Thanksgiving- we will have a little one to celebrate with?!

Katie :)

So many things on my mind these days...

So. I don't even know where to begin.  I guess I will start with what's most recent and work from there...

Things that have been on my mind lately.  How come people always focus on the negative instead of focusing on the positive?  I do my best no to judge, not to look at people wrong and to make the most of every person I meet.  I do not judge people based on their cover or their facebook statuses, I try to use my best judgement (or in some cases) the best judgement of my closest and only closest friends (that I trust) and sometimes my hubby's when I am not being stubborn.

So how come people can't think more like this?  How come people see something and think, oh she's on FB all day every day, or oh, she's only a stay at home mom, or oh she doesn't do much- her husband is the one in the  military...

Well to all of you who think that.  Let me set you straight on ME.  I am me.  I am a mom, I might get on Facebook often (maybe more than I should), but here are a few things you may not know about me.

I am a military veteran.  I served 11 years for my country before being medically retired.

I have been a great mom for the last almost 10 years.  I may have grown up with not the best circumstances but I am determined to raise my kids differently and to show them they can be whatever they want to be.

I am a full time student, I have a 3.8 GPA and will graduate with my degree next year b/c I am determined to set a good example about education for my kids.

I volunteer on most all my days off including weekends. I volunteered so much with one organization, I got a part time job.  Do we need the money, no, I do it b/c I LOVE helping others.  I do it to show my kids that helping others is the best thing you can do to give back to your community.  I took a part time so I can also be available for my kids before and after school.  I have volunteered at homeless shelters, domestic abuse shelters, animal shelters, schools, taking and giving donations to those who need them, volunteering at events for charities and giving almost my last dollar in many cases to help those who need it more then me.  I have tried to give a lot of my life back to doing and help those who need it b/c without help when I was younger (foster home, my aunt/grandma, and the military) I would probably be dead.

We keep our kids involved in extracurricular activities like cheerleading- which has taken up 6 days a week when in session or Theater.

I keep my house pretty much spotless, I don't sit around and do nothing.

I am involved with my kids and their school so much more than most.

Between my husband and I we make good, healthy home cooked meals every night and make it a point to sit with our family and talk about the day.

So for those of you who "know" me and think I am some lazy ass who sits on FB every day and eats bon bons while not being involved with more things, you can shove it.  This may not seem like "a lot" so some of you, but then take a look at what you do and what's on your plate.  Don't throw stones at other people when you don't know anything about them.  And like my aunt always said, if you don't have anything nice to say- keep your damn mouth shut.

Next on my plate is this.  This month has been hard already.  November 3rd was one year ago I found out I was pregnant.  Only to find out on Thanksgiving Day it was ectopic and we had to go thru a long 5 week process of terminating it.  I usually say it was a miscarriage b/c it is easier than explaining everything.  But either way, we lost a child that was very wanted and very loved even in it's short 7 weeks.  It is still hard.  And though days pass and things seem normal on the surface, it still hurts and will always hurt during November.  Maybe this has attributed to my not-so-happy self recently, I honestly don't know.  All I do know is it has been on my mind every day, every single day...  for the last year.  Especially these last couple weeks.

People tell me (especially my husband) I need to take time out for me.  I need to slow down.  I need to relax.  I just don't know how.  I really don't.  And by relax I mean more than a day off in PJs or a one hour massage.  I need to mentally do all this.  But I don't know how.  I would if I could.  I would love to not have a racing brain that constantly has thoughts going in and out.  But I don't.  I can't control my brain.  I have tried to shape it and train it and it may work for a while, but then something happens and triggers it and it all just goes  back to the way it was.  It irritates me that I can't be calm.  That I look at other people and they are so just chillaxed and nonchalant and casual and easy going.  I am easy going in the sense that I am friendly and I make friends and can be down to earth, but not in the sense that I am Cheech and Chong relaxed like others.  I don't know how to fix my brain and slow it down. :( Maybe Cheech and Chong have the right idea?! LOL.  Who knows.

Thanks for reading...

Katie

KIDDOS!!!

So, Paul and I are hoping to HOP out on a SPACE A flight sometime this Fri-Sun!  Cross your fingers!  I am so excited to get the girls!  Soon we will start planning Ms. Emily's birthday!!!  She will be 6!!!  Can you believe it?  Where does the time go?  She has picked out her party theme- Fairies and Mermaids... So I am going to try to do like an Enchanted theme...  I found some stuff on CelebrateExpress.com  and I love them!  They ship so fast and you can find coupon codes all the time for them online!

I have a list of things we are looking at getting...  If you need any ideas, Facebook me and let me know.  Thinking of getting her into the Littlest Pet Shop stuff.  Trying to get her off Monster High...  Madison loves them, but I feel Emily is a little young and she need her own thing... Plus she loves animals!  So this would be cute!  And they just came out with a new little elephant!  Which is one of her favs!  Also, they have cute little girl dolls to go with them now too!

Before we know it Christmas will be here!  Man!  The year is FLYING!  I have some ideas for the girls, but Paul... Every year... What to get the guy who has everything or doesn't want you to buy it b/c he wants something specific but won't give you the specifics... LOL.  Gotta start thinking now so it can be good!!!

And school starts on 27 Aug! Madison will be in 4th grade and Emily starts Kindergarten!!!  She is so excited!  I think Paul is excited for her too LOL.  He picked out her backpack and had her name embroider on it...  Pottery Barn Kids- the Pink and Brown Owl one...  So stinkin' adorable!  Can't wait til she sees it!  Madison had a blue glitter super girl backpack WITH cape that Troy bought her!!!  She was so thrilled about the cape part LOL.  Super cute.

So anxious to get them!!!  Anxious in a good way!  Madison asked me not to hug her so tight her head pops off, but said I could do it to Emily...  Silly girl.  I love it that she emails me :) It's so cute to get an email from her and see how she types.

Anywho I am bored and rambling...  Think I will go take a nap :)

Zzzzz,
Katie

It's been a while

So, yes, it has been quite some time since I blogged.  I guess, with everything that has happened- it just seemed to get away from me.

Anyways, lately things have been pretty good.  Life has been going well.  Paul took me to Paris to celebrate my 30th bday (it was pretty amazing and probably the best bday ever), Madison scored super high on her Terra Nova testing (it's like the national standardized tests for the states, but for DoD schools).  between 45-55 was "average" and she score 74 on reading (which she has gotten way better at), and between 92-98 on math, science and social studies!!!  She blew it outta the water and I was pretty proud!  Emily starts school this year and has been able to pretty much complete all her Pre K and K work books, she writes, reads about 200 words, can memorize like there is no tomorrow, and is almost all "checked off" of the "Things kids should know for the start of 1st grade" and she isn't even in Kindergarten yet!   I am so happy the girls are incredibly smart!

Apartment life living sucks...  I get really tired at all the commotion, arguing and kids screaming...  I am ready for our own place again...  But that won't happen til we PCS.  ugh!

Also, the girls went to their dad's for the summer....  And I volunteer every day at the Fisher House in Landstuhl.  We help the wounded warriors, give them a place to stay and watch after them and their families while they are getting medical treatment.  I have been doing great there, and they offered me a job!  I wasn't looking for one, but hey!  I really enjoy working/volunteering there!  I love interacting with everyone and learning about them.  The only thing that sucks is in the month I have been there we have lost 2 soldiers...  It's hard even though I don't really know them well...  But I got to know them a little...  Sucks...

Paul and I have been doing fundraisers and events that benefit the Wounded Warrior Project... We recently did the Viking Challenge...  I walked 10 miles and he ran 4 miles... This weekend we are volunteering for Solider Ride, an event that supports our injured soldiers...  Again...  Yes we love helping :) If you can see the trend :)

We get the girls back in about 2 weeks!  I am excited...  We are all loving Germany and are looking forward to more traveling with the kids!  Sept brings Edelweiss for 5 days (the resort in the Bavaria Alps) and Oktoberfest!  October will bring Emily's 6th bday!!!  And November/December Holidays!!!  I can't believe how fast this year is going by...  It is pretty crazy to think about November...  It actually sucks still...  There goes a good mood again :/

You know what's weird, idk maybe weird isn't a right word, but...  there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about November...  Am I ever going to really get over it and be ok?  Some days I am fine and other days it still hurts.   Like now.  July 11th was the day and all month I have just been "off" and not feeling like myself and it feels the same even though we are now in August.  I attribute me being off to this...  idk.  I try not to think about things...  But sometimes you can't help it ya know.

Ugh, I know it take time.  I know and I am not looking for MORE advice... And I hate hearing the following (just FYI).
- it will happen in time
- just don't think about it
- stop "trying" and then it "will" happen
- it takes time
All of these, I just smile and think in my head, some very colorful expletives lol.  b/c no matter how hard I try not to think about things, it's there, I know it will happen in time, but doesn't mean I want to hear it, b/c frankly, time seems to just be slippin' on by...  and I'm not "trying", I am "enjoying married life with my husband" lol.  I had a check up and my doctor did say that after 12 months- we can try other options though...  :/  and that just sucks.  and scares the poo out of me!  So hopefully it doesn't go that route...  Oh well, I just felt like venting for a min.

Anyways, I hate when Paul is away, even when it's only for a few days...  Especially when the girls are gone too...  life seems to D-R-A-G...  Seems like I have so much time, but when he or everyone is here seems like I have NO time.  Why is that?  So annoying lol. Wish I could just slow that part down... Oh well.  Anyways, it's almost midnight and I have to work tomorrow... So I better get to bed.
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 But now I am hungry...  Hate late nights...  Guess I'll go drink a bottle of water... :)
Goodnight all.
Katie

Salted Nutella Cupcakes!!!

My favorite 2 things!  Cupcakes and Nutella!!!  Here are Salted Nutella Cupcakes.  The original recipe I got this from...  Well, didn't work.  The frosting was grainy and not smooth, the cupcakes were a bit bitter and not that great... So I tweaed it.  The frosting, I will warn you, makes A TON!  But I haven't had a chance to cut it down or half it.  This was what I ended up with AFTER tweaking and making is smooth.  

Salted Nutella Cupcakes!

Chocolate Chocolate Cupcake: 32 cupcakes

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup unsweetened cocoa

1 cup oil (I use canola)

2 cups hot water

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla

DIRECTIONS:

Mix everything in a bowl until you get a thin batter. I then poured the batter into muffin tins with cupcake liners. Bake them at 350 degrees until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. I started checking my cupcakes after about 6 minutes.

Frosting:

INGREDIENTS:

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

1 13-ounce jar of Nutella

¼ tsp of fine grain sea salt

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 pound confectioners’ sugar, sifted

6-8 tablespoons heavy cream

Add TBSP’s of milk as needed to smooth out to your preference

Top lightly with fine sea salt

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and Nutella until well combined. Slowly add in confectioner’s sugar, and continue creaming until well blended (will not be smooth at this point).

2. Add salt, vanilla, and 6 tablespoons of heavy cream. Blend on low speed until moistened. Add an additional tablespoons of milk until you reach the desired consistency. Beat at high speed until frosting is smooth and fluffy.

The Terrible Truth...

Ok.  So they say when you set a goal to tell people about it and it makes you more determined and motivated to stick with it.  So I know I have done this before, but here is a twist.  I am going to tell EVERYONE my actual WEIGHT.  Ugh and EVERYONE knows that is SOOOOO hard for a girl to do.  So here it is.  As of today, 27 Feb 2012...  I weigh...  Ok well first, let me tell you my journey lol.  Makes it a little more bearable!

My Average weight in High School was 145lbs/ size 9.  I was never a "small" girl.  I was a good size, athletic type legs, I've always had bigger thighs and a smaller waist and a big butt...
Me and my Dad in 2000 and the me on my HS senior trip.  I wasn't big at 145...

After 2 kids, I was averaging about 175 lbs and a size 12.  Still not bad.

While I went away to Intel school, I drank ALOT.  In the 6 months away, I got up to 216lbs/ SIZE 18 by graduation!!!  IN 6 MONTHS I GAINED THAT FROM BOOZE AND EATING OUT ALOT!   My waist was about a 39, I was just fat...  Not another word for it...  Pure boozing and eating out!  

Since then (summer 2009) I never really recovered.  I did they HCG for 30 days and got to 185lbs but gained it ALL back plus an extra 5 lbs when I stopped.

So since EARLY 2011, I've been weight around 195lbs/SIZE 14. The pics are of me and my BUFFALO out for my bachelorette party in May 2011.  This is about 190 lbs.  She got me into skinny jeans for the 1st and only time (one day again, soon :)

 



When I got out of the military in Summer 2011, I gained another little bit, putting my at 206.5/SIZE 16-PUSHING 18 as of after Christmas 2011!  I was horrified.  This is me and the girls in Sept 2011...  I was exhausted after climbing 303 stairs- yeah it's a lot, but I was feeling the pain, and then another 1/2 mi walk to the castle... uphill...  fml. You can see my gained weight around tummy and thighs... ugh.  I hate this picture :( This is at about 204 lbs

All the extra weight was gaining around my tummy, which is the MOST UNHEALTHY AREA b/c it can lead to early heart attacks and all!  I was determined to get it off and finally be healthy!  Not b/c I had to b/c the military made me, not b/c Paul is an avid gym guy, not b/c I wanna be as small as a model, but b/c I WANNA BE HEALTHY.

So my New Year's resolution was to get healthy.  Yes I set a weight goal of 175, but ultimately, it's a size thing.  Muscle weight more than fat, so if i can get to a size 12, I think I will be pleased.  A size 10/160 lbs and I will be ECSTATIC!!!

They said weight issues can be genetic.  I don't disagree, but I believe it is more in the CHOICES YOU MAKE.  YOU CHOOSE TO SHOVE YOUR FACE FULL OF TAKE OUT.  YOU CHOOSE TO EAT THOSE DESSERTS AND DRINK THOSE SODAS, ALCOHOLIC DRINKS AND SHAKES.  YOU CHOOSE NOT TO WORK OUT.  everyday is full of choices.  every day is a new day with new possibilities.  everyday you have the CHOICE to change your life and MAKE IT WHAT YOU WANT.  don't say "i can't do it!"  YOU CAN IF YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN.  you can't sit back and say "i want, i want, i want".

IF YOU WANT, YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN!  It won't happen overnight.  That's what my biggest issue it- I don't see results in a week and I'm devastated.  But you know what, I saw results in 2 weeks, 3 weeks, and every week since!  I see my endurance improving, I see myself doing things I didn't think I could ever do again b/c of my wrist...  Everyday I make the CHOICE to get up and do something to better MY life.  Not for anyone else, but FOR ME.
And b/c of that, I went from weighing 206.5 on 1 Jan 2012 to now, 190.4 on 27 Feb 2012.    So far a total of 16.1 lbs in 8 weeks (and i took 2 weeks off of working out- so really 6 weeks!)!!!!  I have lost about 3 inches in my waist, 1.5 in my thighs, down 2 pant sizes, I am stronger and have more endurance than I ever did in the Air Force, I feel happier than ever, my anxiety is almost nil, and overall I feel better about myself than I ever have.  My days are happier and I WANT TO make the right choices for my life when it comes to being healthy.
This is a pic of early Feb 2012.  You can see it in my face- I don't have a pic- yet- of a body shot, but I will!  And will edit and post!

For all of you who think you CAN'T, you are only LYING to YOURSELF and DEFEATING YOURSELF.  How about you PROVE to yourself that you ARE WORTH IT?  I tell you- it is a very proud moment when you look back and you can see what you were and who you are becoming...  :)

Thanks to Jillian Michaels, I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be!

Loves to ALL-
Katie

Healthy Smoothies!

ok since im creating all these smoothies, i thought i would share!  they are so easy! each smoothie makes about 2.5 cups, enough for 2 servings= not bad for a meal! frozen fruit makes smoothie thicker- fyi. AND all smoothies can be frozen for a popcicle or semi frozen for "ice cream" type treat!

your basic evvery smoothie needed items are: 135 calories for main ingredients

1/4 skim milk

1/2 vanilla or plain yogurt (i use organic)

1 tsbp honey or aguave nectar (found in baking aisle)

5 cubes of ice

Add ins:- blend on HIGH and make sure all chunks are gone- 

1 banana + 1/2 c mango chunks - typical banana mango

Add in- 159 cals.  Smoothie total- 294.  CALS PER SERVING 147

1 banana + 1/2 c sliced strawberries- typical strawberry banana 

Add in- 130.5 cals.  Smoothie total- 265.5.  CALS PER SERVING 132.75

1 banana + 1/2 avocado+ 1/2 c OJ- tropical

Add in- 265 cals.  Smoothie total- 400.  CALS PER SERVING 200

1/2c blueberries + 2tbsp lemon juice (add more to your sour taste)- blueberry lemonade

Add in- 42 cals.  Smoothie total- 177.  CALS PER SERVING 88.5

1/4 c raspberries frozen, unsweetened + 2tsbp lemon juice (add more to your sour taste)- raspberry lemonade

Add in-  16 cals.  Smoothie total- 151.  CALS PER SERVING 75.5

1 banana + 1 orange peeled + 2 slices of peel + 1 tsbp lemon juice- banana orange

Add in- 174 cals.  Smoothie total- 309.  CALS PER SERVING 154.5

1/2 orange + 1/2 can drained pineapple- typical pineapple orange

Add in- 104 cals.  Smoothie total- 239 .  CALS PER SERVING 119.5

1 banana + 1 kiwi + 1/4 avocado - kiwi

Add in- 271 cals.  Smoothie total- 346.  CALS PER SERVING 173

Healthy add-ins (i like to have texture to my smoothies, makes me feel fuller)- ADD TO TOTAL SMOOTHIE THEN DIVIDE TOTAL BY 2 FOR SMOOTHIE TOTAL CALS!

1/4 c (28 raw unsalted) almonds- superfood- 167 cals

2 tsbp wheat germ- protien- 50 cals

1/4 c old fashioned oatmeal- fiber- 76.75 cals

1/4 c granola- 100 cal pack

Enjoy!

Stories...

My Momo

Some people never have a good, strong relationship with their granparents.  I can say, I only “knew” one of mine and that was my momo.  For as long as I can remember, she was there.  These next few minutes are going to consist of a compilation of stories. 

STORY 1

My grandma hated being called “grandma”.  Why?  I am not really sure.  All I know is when we moved from California to Mississippi in 1992, I would call her by grandma and she wouldn’t answer.  Not that she was purposely ignoring me…  But that wasn’t her name.  She wanted to be called momo and it is pronounced mawmaw with a short ah sound not a long one and definitely not moomoo like a cow sound.  Just sayin’- people get confused.

STORY 2

Anyways, my momo took me and my sister in when we flew back to MS, alone in 1992.  I have heard stories and seen pictures from previous years when I was around 4 that Kelly, my parents and me lived with her too, but I don’t remember that.  So she took us in once again, an 8 year old and a 10 year old while my dad drove from CA to MS.  Well, along the way he had a blood clot go thru his heart and nearly killed him and was hospitalized for a long time in Bakersfield, CA.  When they finally released him, they have him 2 years to live.  It is 2012 and he is still kicking.  Go figure…  8-10 years of med school, down the shitter haha. 

So anyways, she kept us for about gosh, 4 months until my dad got there.  Then we lived with him.  We would stay with my momo every other weekend and go to church every Sunday with her. She was putting us on the right path.  My dad on the other hand-  was/is an abusive alcoholic.  And one night I just got tired of it.  I called my momo to come get us.  She did without hesitation.  She kept us for 9 months while my dad went in rehab and worked with AA. 

During this time, a lot happened.  She is the one who led me to Christ.  She taught me everything I know (along with church) about the Bible and Jesus.  She would read her Bible every day.  She was a good role model.  I remember the night like it was yesterday.  I was praying in bed, and I remember being so upset, begging for Jesus to protect me, asking for forgiveness, I remember saying “I don’t want to burn forever”.  I was 11.  April 11, 1993 I was saved.  I remember being so upset and then suddenly I felt calm and at peace.  I felt a feeling I cannot even describe and I heard clear as day- “I am here”.  And that was it.  I sat straight up and looked around, bolted out of bed to my momo’s room.  She was sleeping (and she always had that darn pistol under her pillow!) So I knocked.  She woke and turned her light on and asked what was wrong.  I remember saying, nothing is wrong, I just got saved.  She cried and hugged me so tight.  I remember asking if Brother Jimmy (an old pastor) could baptize me?  Without pausing she called him at almost 11pm!  I was baptized a couple weeks later!  She was proud and so was I.

STORY 3

Another story was a funny one.  Bright red flare legged pants with white stitching.  Now I was in 6th grade!  When Girbaud, Guess, acid wash, zipper legged jeans were huge!  So were KEDS.  My momo…  ohhhhhh I was so mad at her.  Bought these fire engine red pants that had white stitching and were like flare boot cut legs.  NOT IN STYLE.  She made me wear them to school.  I was so embarrassed.  I wore them one time…  After that, when she would make me wear them, I would wear spandex shorts under (the only time I EVER wore spandex!) them and would change at school and then put the pants back on before I got home.  Gosh I hated those pants! 

And as for the KEDS.  The white ones were the in thing- right.  Well she found these multi colored ones, purple on top, blue on one side, green on the other and red on back.  WTF.  So what did I do?  My genious came out...  She would buy is dollar store white shoes...  I carefully used a box cutter and cut the KEDS symbol off and superglued it to my white shoes :)  and then mysteriously I "lost" the multi colored clown shoes :)

STORY 4

My momo went blind in one eye because her glaucoma spiked too high when she had shingles.  I don’t know exactly when this happened, but as long as I can remember she had a glass eye.  I remember when I first lived with her…  I thought it was cool and weird.  But most of all I remember trying to sneak around her on her blind side.   I know this was wrong, but there were so many times I would try to snatch one of her Little Debbie cakes after school!  I NEVER got away with it.  She always knew!  Even if she was in another room.  I never even got one in my hand, and I heard, “Katie…..”  That’s all it took.  Damn she was good.  She told me once, “If I can shoot to kill, I can darn sure see everything you do”.  Funny huh? 

Well what's even more funny is you could not scare her!  Even from her blind side!  I tried.  She always knew you were there.  No fun! I guess it is wrong trying to scare a half blind person not that I think about it, but she was a good sport :)

STORY 5

In 1996, my momo and my aunt Dusty became mine and Kelly’s legal guardian.  I lived with Dusty and Kelly lived with momo.  They only lived 1 mile apart, so we were all still close.  I remember being over momo’s and she was going thru her jewelry box in her top drawer.  We were chatting about her pieces…  She pulled out this white gold, small cocktail dinner ring. And told me about it.  It was the 1st ring my pawpaw, A.U., gave to her.  I was in love with it.  After she told me about all of them, she asked me which one did I want…  I picked the dinner ring from pawpaw.  It is like nothing I have ever seen before, it is vintage and small.  Has 3 tiny diamond chips.  I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT.  It is/was just so pretty.  She told me I would get it when I turned 16 (1998).  Then 18 for graduation (2000).  Then she changed her mind and said it is in her will.  Well, when she went in the nursing home (2011), my aunt divvyed out the will and sent the ring to me.  I wanted to cry when I opened it.  I love it so much and now, with her gone, I feel like I will always have a piece of her with me.  One day, I will pass it to one of my girls and I pray it stays in the family forever. 

STORY 6

The South in known for kinda making up it’s own language and my momo was a huge fan.  One of the funny ones was “get-on-out-of-here” pronounced “getohnouttahea”.  She would yell this in a very throaty manly voice at any animal coming into her yard or if her dog (toy poodle) came into the living room without permission.  It was so cute/funny, I would always chuckle.

STORY 7

I was in tech school in 2000.  I couldn’t make it home for Thanksgiving and I was upset.  I had talked to my dad and he and my sister were going to come down to see me, so I didn’t have to be alone.  The only thing besides family I was gonna miss was my momo’s sweet potato pie!  You have no idea how good this thing was.  TO THIS DAY I cant get enough of it!  It is so amazing.  I never ever buy them and cant eat anyone else’s!  Hers is the only one I will eat!  Spoiled I know!  So what did she do since I couldn’t come home?  Sent my dad with 2 PIES!  I was soooo happy!  She said one was for me and one for my friends!  Needless to day I gave 1 piece to my roommate who LOVED it too and I ate the rest of both pies!!!!  J

STORY 8

Over the years- I learned to be more forgiving because of momo. There were so many people who helped momo in her years and to them I am so very THANKFUL.  I know a couple people who momo relied on heavily and they helped without a gripe or complaint.  But there were many times, people acted as if she was a burden or pushed her to the side and that makes me sad.  I wish I culd have been there to help more and buffer her from that.  Imagine how it would feel to be somewhat incapacitated and be shoved aside.  SUCKS and she didn't deserve it.  There were many times I would call home after I left and joined the military, I would hear stories…  This person cussed her out over this.  This person acts like she’s a burden because she needs to go to town or the doctor…  this person is irritated because she calls tand complains.  So and so got in a fight with momo and said blah blah and yadda yadda.  And I would feel so bad, part of me wishing I was home to help and take care of her and part of me because people can be so selfish and so disrespectful.  But would that change how momo felt?  Nope.  She would be mad for a while and say “Im through!”  But she would forgive and move on.  Through her actions, she taught me it is more important to forgive and move on and takes up more energy being pissed all the time. 

I feel my momo had every right to bitch if she wanted to.  Granted I was not there all the time, but she had been in declining health for a while and I guess we all just took it for granted that she was gonna be around forever…  People say her death was sudden.  But was it?  I don’t think so.  I am happy for the relation ship I had with her.  I can honestly say, thru the last 10 years (AFTER TEEN AGE YEARS) I did my best to not fight with her, was not disrespectful, when I came home to visit, I did everything I could for her, I took her around as much as I could, I tried to make her feel important because she was.  The ONLY thing I regret is not being able to come home more…  Especially over the last 2 years when she was declining in health a lot.  I went home 1-2x a year, but it still didn’t feel like it was enough. I am so sad she is gone.  I want to be selfish and bring her back, but I know she is happy.  She is not hurting anymore. And for that I am thankful...  

There are SOOOO many more stories…  It’s so hard to think of them…  But these are the most prominent.   My momo was an amazing person.  She lived thru the Great Depression as a kid.  Her husband fought in WWII, she raised 5 kids and 5 grandkids and helped raise her great grandkids.  She was a mean cook and could make killer chicken and dumplins, sweet tater pie and green beans! 

She didn’t take shit from anyone but she was always a forgiver…  She was someone who would give you the shirt off her back and would pay you back even if it was 25 cents- because it was the principle of it!  She is where I learned forgiveness, principles and Christ.  She will always be a strong influence in who I am and I am proud of that.  I love her so very much and I will miss her until I see her again upstairs.  Xoxo.

My Momo

for those of you who don't know.  my momo and my aunt dusty were the biggest positive impacts on my and my sister kelly's life.  they became our legal guardians after a big mess with parents...  needless to say they raised us.

I've never had anyone so close to me die.  not someone I've had this sort of relationship with, not someone who was a parent to me.  it hurts.  to know that when i go home next- ill be visiting her grave and not getting to throw my arms around her neck and say I've missed you.  not getting to see the girls run up to hug her...  not being able to call every year and ask for that darn sweet tater pie recipe!  i could never remember that damn thing!  there are so many things I'm going to miss about her.  i can't even put into words...

i wish i could go home...  i wish i could just see her one more time.  i wish i woulda been able to talk to her on the phone one more time and to tell her how much i loved her and make sure she knew how much she meant to me.  

her funeral is wednesday and it hurts so bad not to be able to be there...  even just for that one day... just to see her again and tell her goodbye...

Why Didn't I Do This Sooner?

So, I am well into week 2 of my working out and man... I feel GREAT!  (imagine me using the Tony the Tiger voice).  I feel so super fantastic it is unbelievable!  Let me tell you a little why.

First, I was diagnosed like.....  IDK 8-10 years ago with anxiety disorder.  I would get so irritated so quickly, I didn't have lots of energy, I always was crabby about something, I snapped a lot at the kids, I wasn't able to hold my tongue, I lacked patience and I slowly stopped "playing" and having fun with the kids.  I was just here.  I worked, helped with school, took them to extracurricular activities, etc.

But since I've been working out AND eating a well balanced, whole grain, healthy diet- MAN!  Every bit of that has changed!  Most importantly PATIENCE and overall attitude!  I attribute those to things getting better- to taking care of the rest of the stuff!  I no longer let myself feel mad or pissed or irritated.  I am always in a good mood, my anxiety is next to nothing and I feel 5-7 years younger already!  I am beyond positive!  I can already see and feel a difference in my looks and everything!  And so can others!

It feels SOOOOO good to be on a healthy path and to have an awesome support system of friends and loved ones!  I usually hate jean shopping and I was in the BX today.  Passes a 50% off rack of jeans.  Something told me to look thru it.  I did and found 1 pair that was a size smaller than I was...  I decided to try them on, see how much smaller they were and maybe I would buy them as my next step down jeans.  Well, THEY FIT!  A little tight, but i can pull them up, button and zip, I can breath (LOL) and I can wear them!  OMG I was astonished to already be able to see that much of a difference.  Makes me want to just  want to work that much harder b/c I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!

Last week I lost 4.7 lbs 1 Jan-7 Jan.  And to put that into perspective, think about holding a 5 lb chunk of ground beef or a 5 lb bag of taters!!!!  YEAH!  And then think about having all that around your legs and tummy!  Thats what I'm thinking about! And it keeps me motivated!!!

I can honestly say, this is finally a track I can continue on.  Not just some FAD diet plan.  This is a life long change and I am onto a healthier, happier me!

Woohoo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFjhmddDPRw  LOOK @ what 1 and 5 LBS of fat look like!

Loves to all!
Katie

JAN 1-JAN 7= -4.7 LBS
JAN 8-JAN 14=
JAN 15- JAN 21=
JAN 22- JAN 28=
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FEB
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MAR
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APR
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I Hope I Age Well...

Ok... So I just realized this is the year I turn the big 3-0.  OMG :(.  I seriously think I might freak out.  Well I know I will, I already am and it is still January.  I have about 13 weeks left in my 20's.  SHIT.

I am terrified.  IDK why.  I just hope I age well.  I don't want to be one of those moms who the kids are embarrassed over, what one those moms who looks ancient and she's not, or one of those moms who just isn't fun anymore...

I took the kids and one of their friends to the BX today.  As we were sitting there in the food court, I looked around and people watched for a bit.  You know you've done it too!  Some people pass and you think, man, I would love to have legs like that...  Others pass and you grimace on the inside and try not to let your face show it....  I told my friend the other day, all I need for motivation to get healthy is to go to the BX and watch.  IDK why here, but there are so many women/wives who seem to let themselves go.  Maybe b/c it is lack of jobs here and most are stay at home moms, but still...  Whether you work or not, you should still take pride in how you look, no matter what (I feel at least).  

Anyways, my point I was getting at was this...  Some women you think may be older- but look really good/young for their age.  And some look a lot older than they actually are.  I saw one girl today...  She was probably in her late 20's, early 30's but dressed like she was 50, and overall looked upper 40's...  That sucks.  I wanna be one of those people who look good for her age, but I wanna look the part.  Confident, classy, and well put together. My goal is to lose the 40lbs and then buy a new wardrobe!  With this wardrobe I wanna put together stuff like this (still keeping some hoodies and all too though for lazy days!):

  

And pumps!  I've never been able to wear them b/c of the military, but I would love to start!!!

And of course- flats :) I could NEVER have enough flats!

   

And OF COURSE... Purses! Though I was never a purse girl before, I love these and could easily become one :)))

I like the military purses!  I like the 1st one b/c it says ___ Wife.  and the wording on the bottom!  I love the layout of the 2nd with those 2 things from 1st purse on 2nd!  Super uber C-U-T-E!!!

Anyways, turning 30 to me is I guess a make or break type thing.  It represents getting older...  And though I don't mind getting older... I just wanna look good doing it lol!  Inside and out!  I wanna be fit, healthy, sophisticated, classy, educated, and confident!  I don't think that's too much to ask nor will it be hard.  Just gotta meet my first goal- losing the lbs and then it's game on :)

Loves to all.
Katie

Almost NORMAL!- Well As Normal As I Can Get :)

So, I just called today to get my blood results from Tuesday's bloodwork for my HCG levels.  They are down to 15.15 !!!!!!  I am soooooo excited and happy!  I was just telling Paul how this week I feel like me again!  I feel like I am back to normal- well normal with my hormone levels at least :))))

I have to go get it drawn one more time on Monday to verify it is below 5 and then that's it!  Then this whole ordeal can be put in the past.  That also means I am healthy enough for Paul and I to start trying again!  Yay!!!  Well once he gets home again in Feb!

During the time he is gone I am working on me.  Working out, changing my eating habits and really making an overhaul of myself!  So far- I am doing great!  I've been working out to Jillian's 30 Day Shred every morning, making weekly breakfast,lunch,dinner menus and shopping off of them, eating off of healthy cooking websites and drinking more water!  So far, since 1 Jan 2012 I am down 6 lbs!  I'm averaging a pound a day.  I know it will taper off, but it's a great start!  I am feeling awesome and stronger already and I have a ton more energy!!!

Also, while Paul is gone, we are dog sitting a boston terrier named Major for some friends. He is amazing.  I love this dog and so do the kids!  Emily is currently chasing him around the apartment and he is loving it.  He is sliding all over the tile floors smiling, stopping and looking at her and then playing like a tease!  Such a cutie!  Can't wait til we find him a girlfriend so his owners can pimp him out so we can get a puppy!!!!

Anyways, I start class again too!  Jan 16th!  Changed my major to BS in Social Science and I am gonna try and focus on Sociology!  I love it!  I can't wait!

Oh well, gotta go!

Anyways, this blog will be short b/c well, that's all I have for now :)

Loves to all!
Katie