So many things on my mind these days...

So. I don't even know where to begin.  I guess I will start with what's most recent and work from there...

Things that have been on my mind lately.  How come people always focus on the negative instead of focusing on the positive?  I do my best no to judge, not to look at people wrong and to make the most of every person I meet.  I do not judge people based on their cover or their facebook statuses, I try to use my best judgement (or in some cases) the best judgement of my closest and only closest friends (that I trust) and sometimes my hubby's when I am not being stubborn.

So how come people can't think more like this?  How come people see something and think, oh she's on FB all day every day, or oh, she's only a stay at home mom, or oh she doesn't do much- her husband is the one in the  military...

Well to all of you who think that.  Let me set you straight on ME.  I am me.  I am a mom, I might get on Facebook often (maybe more than I should), but here are a few things you may not know about me.

I am a military veteran.  I served 11 years for my country before being medically retired.

I have been a great mom for the last almost 10 years.  I may have grown up with not the best circumstances but I am determined to raise my kids differently and to show them they can be whatever they want to be.

I am a full time student, I have a 3.8 GPA and will graduate with my degree next year b/c I am determined to set a good example about education for my kids.

I volunteer on most all my days off including weekends. I volunteered so much with one organization, I got a part time job.  Do we need the money, no, I do it b/c I LOVE helping others.  I do it to show my kids that helping others is the best thing you can do to give back to your community.  I took a part time so I can also be available for my kids before and after school.  I have volunteered at homeless shelters, domestic abuse shelters, animal shelters, schools, taking and giving donations to those who need them, volunteering at events for charities and giving almost my last dollar in many cases to help those who need it more then me.  I have tried to give a lot of my life back to doing and help those who need it b/c without help when I was younger (foster home, my aunt/grandma, and the military) I would probably be dead.

We keep our kids involved in extracurricular activities like cheerleading- which has taken up 6 days a week when in session or Theater.

I keep my house pretty much spotless, I don't sit around and do nothing.

I am involved with my kids and their school so much more than most.

Between my husband and I we make good, healthy home cooked meals every night and make it a point to sit with our family and talk about the day.

So for those of you who "know" me and think I am some lazy ass who sits on FB every day and eats bon bons while not being involved with more things, you can shove it.  This may not seem like "a lot" so some of you, but then take a look at what you do and what's on your plate.  Don't throw stones at other people when you don't know anything about them.  And like my aunt always said, if you don't have anything nice to say- keep your damn mouth shut.

Next on my plate is this.  This month has been hard already.  November 3rd was one year ago I found out I was pregnant.  Only to find out on Thanksgiving Day it was ectopic and we had to go thru a long 5 week process of terminating it.  I usually say it was a miscarriage b/c it is easier than explaining everything.  But either way, we lost a child that was very wanted and very loved even in it's short 7 weeks.  It is still hard.  And though days pass and things seem normal on the surface, it still hurts and will always hurt during November.  Maybe this has attributed to my not-so-happy self recently, I honestly don't know.  All I do know is it has been on my mind every day, every single day...  for the last year.  Especially these last couple weeks.

People tell me (especially my husband) I need to take time out for me.  I need to slow down.  I need to relax.  I just don't know how.  I really don't.  And by relax I mean more than a day off in PJs or a one hour massage.  I need to mentally do all this.  But I don't know how.  I would if I could.  I would love to not have a racing brain that constantly has thoughts going in and out.  But I don't.  I can't control my brain.  I have tried to shape it and train it and it may work for a while, but then something happens and triggers it and it all just goes  back to the way it was.  It irritates me that I can't be calm.  That I look at other people and they are so just chillaxed and nonchalant and casual and easy going.  I am easy going in the sense that I am friendly and I make friends and can be down to earth, but not in the sense that I am Cheech and Chong relaxed like others.  I don't know how to fix my brain and slow it down. :( Maybe Cheech and Chong have the right idea?! LOL.  Who knows.

Thanks for reading...

Katie