Well this is actually a difficult post to write. Where to even begin? Earlier this year, I was in my English 1st Year Writing Class and I had to write a paper focusing on a controversial topic. I chose mine on dealing with advertising, children and how they have become so sexual, obsessed with their weight and overly mature for their ages. My title for my paper was "Kid-Centric Advertising: Where are the Parental Controls?" I focused mainly on the media, celebrities, peers and society in general. Pointing the finger; they were the main culprit! And it was "bad parenting" for those not stepping in and getting a handle on children before it was too late.
Well, much to my surprise- I got what felt like a right hook to my head- for an eye opener. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be a lot to blame for something like this. So let me back up for a minute and explain what I mean.
Madison is 8 and Emily is 4. Emily really isn't having an issue right now, so we will focus on Madison. She has been overall a very healthy kid. She loves veggies, she likes playing, she doesn't usually sit around and be lazy. So, it started in 1st grade (she is in 3rd now). She came home with a chart and telling me all about how they learned what was healthy to eat, what was good for the bones, good for the eyes, etc. She had a chart that she had to keep track of for a week; writing down everything she ate and how many veggies, fruits, dairy, etc. I thought it was a bit much, but it was homework, so I complied.
Then she started wanting to go to the gym with me. She went a few times and did really well. I had a lot of fun with her. Then I started my series of surgeries and had to stop. She got really upset and kept asking every time we passed the gym- when could we go back... On top of that, the "I can't eat that b/c it isn't healthy" kick was in full gear. I started to get concerned. I didn't want my 7/8 year old having a complex already. So we talked and I told her it was ok and did the whole mom thing. Still not thinking too much about it being my fault at this point- thinking it was the school's health kick- which I guess started it....
So fast forward to this week. We have been getting settled here in Germany and I wanted to start working out. I have gained 15 lbs since I stopped working and I wanna get it off. So we have been walking to and from school, the grocery store and shopping (all of which are anywhere from 1/2 mi to 3/4 mi away) and sometimes we go 2x a day- back and forth. Good walking! And now I have incorporated a circuit workout into my plan. The girls like working out with me and I enjoy them too- they break up the monotany and give it some spice.
Well, last night- Madison kept asking if she looked skinnier. Today at the grocery store we went to get milk. Well skim to whole milk have dancing cows, whole milk= fatter cow, skim= a super skinny cow. She opted for the super skinny cow instead of 2% (the middle cow). Lately she is super concerned with how she looks, if she is skinny, if she is gonna get fat, how her clothes fit, everything. And she always seems like she is talking about it.
Tonight, as Paul and I were getting ready for bed, I talk to him about it and how I was kinda concerned. Here comes the right hook... He said in his opinion (not being mean at all just concerned), Madison gets all of this from me. Me? Yep. She is concerned with her appearance b/c I have made such a big deal about my weight, how my clothes fit, etc. I mean now that I am typing this, it all makes sense.
I told him, well I would think she can see why I need to work out and stuff, b/c I'm chunky and gained weight and I need to lose some weight. And his answer... She doesn't see that b/c you are mommy. In her eyes you are beautiful, perfect, nothing could be wrong with you. You are who she wants to be.
Yeah, I wanted to break down in tears. I didn't see how much of a negative impact my self esteem had on Madison. I thought "well EVERYONE can see I need to lose weight- including my daughters", when in fact, they never have.
To them, I am beautiful, fun, loving, awesome, cool, supportive, caring, disciplinarian, meanie, teacher, role model and the best mommy in the whole world. And as Emmy would say they love me with all their heart!
In closing, my only advice to other moms is this: don't vocalize your imperfections in front of your kids (if you think you have some). The do really mirror everything you do! You are their one and only mommy! You are perfect in every way. And now I know I am too- in my daughter's eyes...
I love you Madison and Emily. And thank you Paul for opening my eyes and making realize they love me as they have me- big or little- I am a beautiful mommy :)
Katie
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