The Longest Month of My Life...

So tomorrow (24 Dec- Christmas Eve), it will officially be 1 month since the worst news of my life.  It has really been the longest, hardest month to get past.  And what sucks even more, is it all started at the beginning of my favorite time of year, the holiday season.  Kinda put a damper on the holidays this year...  And I'm sure next year will be a little tough too, but all in all, I'm sure it will get easier with time.

Kinda sucks...  A lot oF my friends here are preggers and I can't help but feel sad and envious at the same time.  I have a friend who just had a baby and I wanna see her, but haven't brought myself to go yet...  And another friend who found out she was preg 10 days before I did.  She just had her first ultrasound and mine was supposed to be 3 days later...  She is already feeling the baby move she told me.  It's cool and I am beyond happy for all my friends, but idk, I can't help but feel like- that should be me too.  In time I guess....

Paul leaves again soon (less  than 2 weeks) and it makes me sad.  I hate when he leaves...  Honestly I'm kinda paranoid now...  I don't want him to leave in fear something else insane might happen.  He is my rock and I have leaned on him so much the last month... I still have my days.  They are fewer and further between my crying episodes.  But they still happen.  Just writing this and realizing its been 1 month is making me sad and teary.

Only time will heal things I know.  Just sucks to want something SO bad, get it, then have it taken away...  God had other plans for our angel.  Hopefully he knows how much he was loved and wanted...  (I say he b/c in my gut I know it was a boy...)

Loves to all.
Katie